Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
