end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i think i just lost a toe
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
