I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
