I'm lost and stupid without you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
