I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
