i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
