cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
