I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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