I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
