My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
