I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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