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When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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