Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
