My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
