Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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