I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
