I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This house was built for laser tag.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
