A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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