did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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