I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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