3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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