We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
