Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
