ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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