someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
