I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
