It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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