I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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