Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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