to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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