at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
