So drunk its hurt
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
