I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
