her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
