What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
