my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
