All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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