I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
