You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
