im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
