I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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