yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
