my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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