do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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