I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
