grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
