1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
