Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i believe in u and ur pee
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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