Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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