One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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