Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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